It’s my favorite pastime to discover old journals where I recorded my thoughts about weight and dieting. Finding them reminds me how far I’ve come and how my mindset about food and weight loss has shifted.
Right now I’m documenting the next 100 days as I prepare to step back on the bikini stage. I won’t publish every update, but when I’m eating something I love or discover a useful weight-loss tip, I’ll share it.
This is primarily a personal record to remind myself what I did to lose roughly 10 pounds and get lean enough to compete again. I’ll tag these posts with #bikiniprep2023.
Recently I found some older diet journal entries and thought they might resonate with you. I may share a new entry each day if there’s interest—tell me in the comments.
I’ll paste the journal entries at the end, so if you’re here for the full day of eating you can skip the reflections.
What I eat in a day as a masters bikini competitor (I’m 49 years old!)
Back to prep—here’s yesterday’s full day of eating while getting ready for a masters bikini show in 16 weeks.
Breakfast: I added egg whites to oats and it turned out so creamy and fluffy. I topped it with Walden Farms caramel dip and a bit of whipped cream. LOVED IT.
Snack: Greek yogurt, pistachio pudding and a built bar.
Lunch: Green salad with chicken, Bolthouse dressing, and an apple on the side.
Dinner: Sloppy joes with one slice of bread, ground turkey, and my favorite frozen veggie mix: California blend.
*Here’s the MyFitnessPal record if you want the nutritional breakdown.
Why did I do it? Yesterday was awful. A few justifications ran through my head to excuse overeating—specifically cinnamon bread and pumpkin bread:
- I had just finished filming, so I told myself it was okay to be bloated for a few days.
- I convinced myself that if I started eating in the morning I would graze all day and couldn’t stop.
That’s nonsense. I can eat and then stop.
The truth is, after two days of overeating, I feel awful no matter what I eat. I feel:
- Physically sick—an achy stomach and on the edge of nausea.
- Exhausted and lethargic—the fewer calories I eat, the more energy I seem to have.
- Down and apathetic. Not clinically depressed, but hit by a sense of giving up and wanting to do nothing.
- The opposite of powerful. When I control my food, I feel in control of my life.
December 2017
I now always remember how overeating feels. It doesn’t feel good and it drains motivation—making me want to hide under covers and watch TV. Eating the right amount gives me energy and life, and that’s a sensation I try to hold onto.
Here’s another entry where I explore delayed gratification and how to work through it.
What’s my problem? I’ll tell myself anything to justify eating what I want. A single “new thought” doesn’t stop my brain from inventing another excuse. Maybe simply thinking differently won’t solve this.
Yesterday I started well. I even had a cookie a neighbor gave me. Earlier I’d heard Angela Duckworth talk about a self-mastery spectrum: clean up your environment to support goals rather than rely on willpower. For example, don’t put yourself in a situation with cookies if you don’t want to eat them.
But then I justified eating the cookie by convincing myself that getting rid of it would set me up to avoid future temptation. That logic didn’t make sense, yet it led to a day of peanut butter, cookies, cool whip, and graham crackers.
The lesson: delay immediate pleasure in favor of future goals. Why is immediate gratification so powerful? I felt sick and uncomfortable for weeks because I chose short-term pleasure.
Strategies I considered to address this:
- Change my thoughts to change my actions.
- Stick to my food rules consistently, with no exceptions.
- Have a future goal more compelling than the current temptation.
- Ignore goals and enjoy food in the moment.
- Clarify my purpose and honor it.
I don’t want to “screw it” because overeating leaves me uncomfortable and disappointed. After reflecting, I realized I don’t currently have a compelling reason to maintain a specific number on the scale long-term. The reasons that worked temporarily weren’t enough to sustain the result, and nothing felt more important than immediate pleasure.
But shifting focus from what I want to do—like reaching a target weight—to who I want to be could offer a lasting solution.
Who I want to be: a healthy, well-adjusted person who prefers nourishing food, eats mindfully, and can decline dessert without regret. I want to live authentically healthy and enjoy a low-fat, lower-calorie lifestyle that supports energy and confidence.
November 2017